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O/T Footie----------------------------

Discussion in 'United Kingdom' started by tonyh, Aug 10, 2004.

  1. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    MessageApparently, this is a 'genuine' letter posted on the Sheffield Utd
    website by a fan!

    Dear Sir,
    I'm feeling all angry about these modern day footballers, I know why
    they have gone all soft - it's because of poncy names. That's what it
    is. Remember in the old days, when footy players kicked a f*cking ball
    made out of ten pound of clay stitched inside a steel-reinforced
    leather shell with laces made out of piano wire? Well, in them days
    players could only survive the rigours of the game because they were
    called things like Albert, Bert, Harry, Bill, Eddie, Bob, Jack &
    Tommy. F*cking tough names for tough men, them was. & what do we have
    now? Gareth, Jason, Wayne, Dean, Ryan, Jamie, Robbie. ****ing tarts'
    names, they are. Great big f*cking puffs. No wonder the ball's like a
    f*cking balloon & shin pads are like slices of bread. In the old days
    you never saw a Len Shackleton or a Billy Wright with a puffy little
    Sondico piece of paper down his little socks. F*cking shin pads in
    them days was made out of library books, & socks was like sackcloth.
    Same with the jerseys. F*cking shirts with holes in now so they can
    breathe. Yes, so that little Jody's hairless chest can breathe & he
    doesn't get a chill. F*ck off. Stanley Matthews used to dribble round
    Europe's finest wearing a f*cking tent & shorts cobbled together from
    the jacket of his de-mob suit. Aye, he f*cking did.
    No wonder players fall over all the time whenever an opponent comes
    anywhere near them. & they never used to show arses at one another
    either. Can you imagine what might have happened if Don Revie had
    flashed his ring at Nat Lofthouse during a City-Bolton Wanderers game?
    He'd have got one of them size-13 hobnail f*ckers up his b*stard
    chuff.
    F*cking therapy for stress my arse! Stan Collymore slaps his missus
    about & he takes three seasons off with stress counselling. What the
    f*ck is that all about? In the old days it was expected for
    footballers to belt the old sow about a bit, especially after a bad
    defeat. & the women used to expect it, & so they should have. They
    were lucky to be married to footballers. Ha! Trevor Morley got a
    kitchen knife in his back off his wife & was out of action for three
    month. Soft ****. Archie Mc****t of Port Vale got run over with horse
    & cart one Friday night & he still turned out against Bradford the
    following day. & he scored two goals. That's cos his name wasn't
    "Trevor". Good old Archie. Broke his hip, both his legs, murdered his
    wife & buried her under the patio & still made the England team for
    the Home Internationals. Did he have any "stress counselling"? Did he
    bollocks!
    & drugs? There was none of that in the old days. Oh, no. In them days
    it was a quick shot of morphine before kick-off & you was lucky if you
    got that. By half-time it had all but worn off so they pumped you full
    of laudanum. None of this cocaine sniffing & shooting up class A
    narcotics.
    Goal celebrations? Don't talk to me about goal celebrations. Crawling
    on the floor & thrusting their hips at the crowd. Huh! I'd like to
    have seen Cliff Bastin do that after a run down the left flank &
    crossing for Alex James to fire home a winner. Handshakes..... & that
    was all you got. That & a wank in the showers afterwards. But it was a
    proper wank ......all man stuff. None of these puffy wanks between
    blokes that you get nowadays with players like Graeme Le Saux &
    Stephen Gerrard. Allegedly. In them days, there was nowt wrong with it
    cos it didn't mean nowt. They used to say there was a "gay atmosphere"
    in the dressing room after the match. But it didn't mean owt mucky.
    Just a bit of harmless spanking the plank among healthy young
    sportsmen. Aye. I know. Me dad told me.
    Sixty grand a f*cking week! Ha! I wouldn't pay 'em tuppence. Two bob
    Tommy Lawton used to get.... a month! & Tom Finney still worked as a
    plumber four days a week when he was playing for England. It's true,
    you know. F*cking is. Players had to work them days just to make up
    their money. Not like today. Stan Pearson had to clean sewers &
    doubled up as Old Trafford ****house cleaner. He had to go off during
    one game because some **** had built a log cabin & blocked the U-bend.
    & that Eddie Hapgood was a male model...though he never liked to talk
    about it.
    So I say we start calling kids real male names again. If you're having
    a kid, don't even consider puffy names and ****e names like what
    people call their kids these days. Otherwise what we gonna get in
    twenty years' time? The England team full of players called Keanu,
    Ronan, Ashley and f*cking Chesney. F*ck that! Call your kids Alf,
    Herbert, Len, Frank, Fred and Wilf. And let's get the puffs out of the
    game once and for all.
     
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  3. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Dec 6, 2002
    73,162
    Houston, Texas
    Full Name:
    Bubba
    That's funny as he11, man!

    I can just hear it read with the proper accent! Too much man!

    I need to print that and send it to the local Soccer Hour guys on Pacifica....
     
  4. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Dec 6, 2002
    73,162
    Houston, Texas
    Full Name:
    Bubba
    Oops, don't let zupra see that part about "Chesney" LOL! That's his real name...
     
  5. RAY430RED

    RAY430RED Formula 3

    Nov 1, 2003
    1,112
    Marlborough Wilts
    Full Name:
    Ray F
    Thats a good one m8 havent laughed so much since BB fell off his sawing horse in 53 lol Very good Tony

    RAY360M
     
  6. F308 MAN

    F308 MAN F1 Rookie

    Jan 19, 2004
    2,907
    Isle of Man
    Full Name:
    Dave S
    very funny......are we seeing a return of the old "th" ?

    ps ...i saw it in the chelsea programme - spellings too good for up north

    now can we get back to the serious stuff ?
     
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  8. matkat

    matkat Formula 3

    Mar 18, 2003
    1,840
    Scotland
    Full Name:
    Dave McGuire
    Funny as hell and so true.
     

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