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[Rated R by Rob] My wife left me after I voted for the Enzo

Discussion in '288GTO/F40/F50/Enzo/LaFerrari' started by cmparrenzo, Jan 28, 2004.

  1. cmparrenzo

    cmparrenzo F1 Rookie
    Rossa Subscribed

    Mar 3, 2002
    2,685
    Kansas
    Full Name:
    Chris Parr
    Ferrarichat is so dangerous, I did not know my wife was standing behind when I was reading about about should you get an "Enzo or a Trophy wife" we had this huge fight and she left...

    I wrote this letter to get her back, I was wondering if you guys might give me some advice before I sent it...

    Dear Connie, I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact
    each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait
    anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again.
    But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I
    never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies,
    it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess
    my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me
    a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't
    care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first
    move as long as one of us does.

    Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.
    And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie."
    I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but
    they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met
    this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say
    this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my
    desperation.

    She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that
    only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you.
    I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and
    an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as
    I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at
    the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so
    superficial.

    What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed?
    Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it
    make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my
    moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really
    thought of that before.

    I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after
    I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself
    thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her
    flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something
    else.

    Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And
    then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there,
    Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the
    same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you.
    And everything I do just reminds me of you.

    Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn
    lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of
    lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a
    woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's
    not the real story.

    Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know,
    we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total
    monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know,
    like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her
    weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.
    And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your
    grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the
    floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves.
    And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause
    I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the
    mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what,
    14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

    Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining
    order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty
    good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend
    to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good
    advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling
    for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're
    doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking
    about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same
    DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked
    like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me
    cry.

    And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal
    thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I
    pressured you about trying it and how that probably
    fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you
    see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby
    sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true,
    Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think
    we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances
    away and start fresh? I think we can.

    If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

    Otherwise, can you let me know where the f**king remote is.

    Love, Big ol honey bear
     
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  3. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  4. JSinNOLA

    JSinNOLA F1 World Champ
    Sponsor Lifetime Rossa

    Mar 18, 2002
    14,805
    Denver, CO
    Full Name:
    John
    Nice! Good adaptation to relate to that thread:)
     
  5. luke9583

    luke9583 Formula 3

    Nov 8, 2003
    1,322
    Detroit Michigan
    Full Name:
    Luke Wells
    I think she'd take ya back
     
  6. rudy

    rudy Formula Junior

    Jan 13, 2004
    360
    Los Angeles California
    Full Name:
    Rudy Hassen
    Good riddance
     
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  8. SefacHotRodder

    SefacHotRodder F1 World Champ

    Dec 20, 2003
    10,918
    NJ
    Full Name:
    Chris
    repost but still funny
     
  9. zsnnf

    zsnnf Formula 3

    Sep 11, 2003
    1,877
    FOFLMAO!!!
     
  10. ag512bbi

    ag512bbi F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Nov 8, 2003
    6,593
    So. Cal
    Full Name:
    Armen
    You should send this to Penthouse.
     
  11. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,589
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    OK let's see.......

    I am a student at a small midwestern college. It was a warm, midsummers evening and I was tired of studying so I decided to go for a little ride in my ENZO! I stopped to tank up at the all night 104 octane filling station and there I met her. I'll call her Betty..............

    Hmmmmmmmm. Do you think anyone will believe this story?

    ____________________

    DL
     
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  13. Victory

    Victory Formula Junior

    Jan 28, 2004
    410
    :lol:

    If you're scoring and having all that fun, why would you want her back. :lol:
     
  14. Bobert

    Bobert Formula Junior

    Jan 17, 2004
    277
    Oak Hill VA
    This is absolutely the funniest thing I have read in years!
     
  15. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Dec 6, 2002
    73,196
    Houston, Texas
    Full Name:
    Bubba
    Chris, buddy....... you da man!

    Resting, back home from the Cavallino, I see.....



    Let this be a lesson to always check over your shoulder when posting....
    I've had to adjust my screen at the office!


    I think we had about 60 jello shots on New Year's. Bubble bath, too! LOL
     
  16. sjb509

    sjb509 Guest

    LMAO
    That's the funniest thing I've read since the "Ryan's Steakhouse Story" someone posted a few months ago.
     
  17. richard

    richard Formula 3

    Nov 3, 2003
    1,394
    Los Angeles
    Full Name:
    Richard Thompson III
  18. ferrari_kid

    ferrari_kid Formula Junior

    Jul 5, 2003
    768
    ROTFLMAO!!!

    sounds like you'll pull through some how though, hang in there.
     

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