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Relationship and Marriage questions

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by mchas, Aug 23, 2005.

  1. Kds

    Kds F1 World Champ

    Believe me.....

    Deciding to stop playing house is a lot less brain damaging and cheaper that getting divorced. I for one am thankful that I did what I did rather than do what others think I should have done. Did that make any sense.....heh ?

    When the time came to get married......the litmus test was positive and away I went. I've never been happier after 6 years together (4 married) than I was with the others due to the life experience gained beforehand.
     
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  3. CMY

    CMY F1 Veteran

    Oct 15, 2004
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    I'd definitely keep this advice floating around in your head, but I wouldn't say that women are 'dream killers' - more like 'dream immobilizers'. You should be where you want to be before bringing someone else into the equation, otherwise you might not get there and start to get a bit frustrated after realizing that'll never happen.

    Age isn't such a big deal, maturity level is. Make sure you've had any fun you'd like to have prior to getting hitched. Lie, cheat, get drunk and wake up in a gutter before you get married, not after. Don't be wondering if there's someone better a couple of years down the line-- you should know without a doubt.

    I'd have to agree on not living together before marriage as well. That's not to say that you shouldn't play 'house' to test the waters beforehand, however.

    You should know each other pretty well, but I think some people take their 'living together' habits into their marriage (i.e. MY money, YOUR money, MY stuff, YOUR stuff) and it just goes downhill from there. It should be a clean slate/break where both of you start as a team.

    -Chris
     
  4. mchas

    mchas F1 Rookie
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    Wow, I think that may very well be the first "serious" thing I've heard you say!

    All jokes aside - thanks again for all of the advice! I find it very interesting that opinions vary so much, but then again, I know there's no clear-cut answer. This is great info - keep it comin!
     
  5. scud

    scud F1 World Champ

    Oct 2, 2004
    11,532
    stay single...keep a hundred happy

    rock on
     
  6. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Then again, it can work the other way too - I worked twice as hard after I was married to get into law school and I think her support was what helped me achieve some great things. A major relief for me was the ability to focus on my work at hand instead of the silly social pressures and appearances one worries about when they're single. In college, I became very serious in class, since I wasn't trying to catch the eye of any of the women.

    Now, I will say it's important to marry someone with similar tolerances for risk and adventure. If you're a daring entrepreneur-type and she isn't (or world traveller, or community activist, etc), then she can put a damper on things PDQ.
     
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  8. CMY

    CMY F1 Veteran

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    It can go either way, but lets face it.. putting yourself in a situation like that would put you in a minority. Most, if not all, of the women I dated before I met Gwen (and I believe the figure is high enough to accurately gauge such a thing) would've rather had me collect a paycheck to fund their shopping habits, not to change the world.

    It can push you to work harder IF she's willing to make the same compromises that go along with it. I'd argue that most aren't.

    C.
     
  9. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Aye. But wouldn't you agree that most if not all of the women you dated weren't really the marrying type? Or did they want to settle? From your other stories, I would have guessed that you were hanging with the types of wild girls that frequent night clubs and the like. ;)
     
  10. venusone

    venusone F1 Rookie

    Mar 20, 2004
    2,809
    Ok there is a curve:
    The older you are the less time it takes to see another. One should date long enough to get bored w/ the other before engagement. They should be engaged long enough to get bored before marriage. Living together is for geometry of who does what. Basically older is shorter time. JMO.
     
  11. stugots

    stugots Formula Junior

    Jan 12, 2004
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    I agree that it is a crapshoot...

    I did it wrong the first time, much better the second. Typically women are very averse to risk and favor safety and security. Again there are exceptions to every rule, but the exceptions usually prove the rule. Women in their 20's also tend to be more inclined to risk, by 30+ it is time to nest and settle in and play the hand you have. If you are building a career or business you will likely have to spend your 30's taking the most risk and working the hardest of any other time in your life. These two lifestyles are not normally compatible.
    Just be aware, no need to repeat the mistakes of others. If you are sure and financially prepared then go for it!
     
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  13. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    #35 darth550, Aug 23, 2005
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  14. CMY

    CMY F1 Veteran

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    That really depends on how you look at it.

    I dated a lot of women from various backgrounds before I figured out what I wanted, and eventually learned how separate the wheat from the chaff (within minutes).

    "Joe Average" can't be expected to do that, and most latch onto the first couple of girls who pay them any attention at all. They make excuses, expect another person to change their ways (someday...eventually), compromise on things that they shouldn't and overlook others that are important.

    I married someone very early on (who was about the furthest thing from marriage material on the planet) for the above reasons. I threw out everything I had grown accustomed to after that and started from the ground up. Lots of bad eggs along the way, and some that just didn't keep my interest, but it was a learning process that engrossed me for nearly 4 years and eventually led me to someone who met all of the parameters I set for myself. I was not flying blind, even if I make it sound like I was.

    C.
     
  15. CMY

    CMY F1 Veteran

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    I don't think we'd get past the first course before I came to that conclusion!
     
  16. LAfun2

    LAfun2 F1 Veteran

    Oct 31, 2003
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    Right on D---otherwise no one would marry those fat women who reside in places outside of nyc/cali/miami :D
     
  17. Dcup

    Dcup F1 Veteran

    Jan 3, 2005
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    answers-
    1. dont get married !!
    2. dont get engaged !!
    3. dont get married or engaged !!
    4. dont live together and dont get engaged !!
    dont be a fool bro, live long and bang hard !!! and bang many !!
    its nice in the beggining after that about 3 yrs later, imagine slamming the car door on your pinky, its worse , you got any pics of this chick ?? i ll let you know if you should end it now or later....
     
  18. Dcup

    Dcup F1 Veteran

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    hey karen, you wanna get bored with me ????
     
  19. PassionIsFerrari

    PassionIsFerrari Formula 3

    Aug 15, 2004
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    ROFLMAO!
     
  20. FerrariFabio81

    FerrariFabio81 Karting

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    Just kiddn Mark, don't get scared... yet... bwahaha

    It all depends on the kind of people you guys are, and what your individual and common goals are. I actually got married almost 3 years ago, and we were both 22 at the time, and although that is way too young for many guys, it was the perfect age for us and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We dated for 4 years before getting married, so we had enough time to really get to know each other before deciding to tie the knot. (Although we kinda knew we wanted to get married someday shortly after we started dating)

    And personally I think that it's better if you don't live together prior to getting married. I think that when you get married without having lived together before you think things over really well without letting other situations blur your vision, and make a bigger effort in getting to know the real person and making sure that that is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, therefore you enter into the contract of marriage with a lot more confidence in your relationship, which of course makes a stronger marriage.

    And I don't mean to come off as an expert or anything, cause 3 years of marriage isn't that long, but we're still growing strong, still love each other, and haven't killed each other yet, so, it's all good!!
     
  21. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Yeah,

    Those midwestern cornfed BFE heifers dont stand a chance here!
     
  22. CMY

    CMY F1 Veteran

    Oct 15, 2004
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    Lower the status quo! Bring in the Plus-sized Models!

    Pffffft...

    C.
     
  23. JaguarXJ6

    JaguarXJ6 F1 Veteran

    Feb 12, 2003
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    Sunny
    DO NOT get married unless you spend some extended time with the other person under their or your roof. A temporary arrangement, for example, a week or two at a time.

    You might set yourself up for disappointment when Dorothy kicks her heels off at the front door after a string of perfect dates and reality sets in.

    In other words, you might learn things about yourself and definitely about her without having to tie the knot.

    When maintaining seperate places but sharing them from time to time, you maintain the option to kick her (or be kicked) out. If you both jump into a living arrangement for the first time, married or not, you have to endure a lot more at once than during a "break-in" period.

    Not living together prior to tying the knot might be more traditional, its much less practical.

    Sunny
     
  24. mchas

    mchas F1 Rookie
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    Haha! Funny since earlier in the thread someone said you were happily married (which from what I've seen here is true)! If you look closely at some of my recent posts (in other threads), you should get a good idea as to whether or not she's a keeper :)

    I think the most interesting thing to come out of this discussion is the whole living together before marriage discussion. I'm TOTALLY surprised to hear so many people against it. I thought it was like a 1950s mentality, but now I'm starting to come around!

    Edit: About the extended time thing - I agree. We are lucky enough to live ~0.2 miles from each other, so I see her every single day, and we spend a lot of time at each others' houses. We spent a week in Maui last year and had a great time. I'm not worried that the living situation will surface any problems - I'm just not sure what steps to take in what order (living together, engagement, wedding, etc).
     
  25. b-mak

    b-mak F1 Veteran

    1) 25

    2) 8 years

    3) 1 year

    4) 1 year
     
  26. AKS

    AKS Formula Junior

    Apr 11, 2004
    357
    Sin City
    Didn't read the rest of this thread as this is the best advice you can recieve. Two questions how much do you value what you currently own. How sad would you be from seeing half of it go away. Take it from someone who has had 7 divorces between his parents alone. If you add in friends kick that number up to about 20.
     
  27. robert biscan

    robert biscan F1 Rookie

    I think you should be at least 25 before marriage and all the way to 40 if kids are wanted. If no kids are wanted then forget the marriage thing. Some people are lucky and get a best friend and lover in one shot and this is less than 5% of the married coulples(just a guess based on life). If you are gonna stay married most of the time you have to make a decision to do it no matter what. You got your good times and your bad times. Common goals but most of all just good friends is what it takes. I'm glad to see both sides of the issue represented.
     
  28. WILLIAM H

    WILLIAM H Three Time F1 World Champ

    Nov 1, 2003
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    Words of wisdom earned the hard way :)

    its better to get kicked in the ballz & have your Ferrari firebombed than to go through a messy divorce
     

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