Relationship and Marriage questions

Dont get married before late 27/28 , otherwise I think one will potentially miss out on being a true player-pimp. Mid twenties (for me) was the best time for being single - had money, confidence and knew what I wanted for the first time in my life. A great time for sure.

However when you meet the right girl (after 27 or so) you'll know straight away if she is the one, get engaged straight away if your a good match, otherwise move on and continue having fun being single. Live together while engaged for at least a year. Sorted.

 

I like the advice about doing what you feel is right, when you feel it's right. Just don't take that next step unless you know enough about her and what she wants out of it too, and she knows the same about you. Sometimes that can take years. The important thing is that you are on the same page.

Having said that, I need to add that I think marriage is highly overrated. You can have the same thing without the ring and the debt-producing ceremony that usually ends up being more about the parents than about the two of you. Commitment can be wonderful, but it can change things if you're not prepared.

Too many times people get married to try to "do the right thing," because it's the "next logical step," or to hold onto that one special person before somebody else takes them away. That ring can't stop someone from straying. And it does not mean you can stop trying to keep her. If it's meant to be, she will stay with you no matter what.

If it's religion or family pressure or dreams of the "perfect wedding" that are leading you to this step, then take a step back and figure out whether or not you would be doing it without that external force. I personally think living together is a great idea. If the parents are against this you either take a stand and show you are now an adult who can do as he pleases, or you get her a promise ring that makes them happy. They can think whatever they want about its meaning.

A little bit of personal history: My ex-wife and I started dating Freshman year in college. We lived together for almost 10 years before deciding the time was right to make it official. Neither one of us thought we'd ever split up. We didn't feel the need to have a ceremony to proclaim our commitment to each other. And we were comfortable "living in sin" together for several years. Our families were opposed to this in principle, although they thought we were perfect for each other and eventually accepted our decision.

We finally took the plunge when we felt it was the right thing to do. Nothing changed after the wedding because we had been together for so long and had established all the ground rules. After 8 years of marriage and 18 years together, we decided to get divorced. Our lives were just heading in different directions and we decided we shouldn't be together. We are still best friends.

Don't be afraid of making the commitment if that's where your heart is. Conversely, don't jump into a marriage that isn't what you really want for the wrong reasons. The main thing is to not be scared by the thought of the "permanence" of the marriage. Divorce is not pleasant but it can be amicable and is less stigmatized than ever before. Not that you go in thinking about the fact that you can get out whenever you want, but that the wedding is not a life sentence if things turn sour.

And finally, don't listen to anybody but each other. Nobody knows you two like you know yourselves. Just do what you feel is right.

 

I'm in the wait as long as you can category, especially for guys. With regard to living together, I could go either way. I did before I was married.

For a guy, there really isn't that much advantage to being married, unless you want kids.

I got married early, at the age of 25 (my wife was 23). I met my wife when I was 20, and we began living together when I was 23 or so. Got engaged shortly thereafter (24?), then married. We've been together now for 11 years.

In that time, we have both grown, experienced alot together, everything from my Ph.D. graduation, moving across the country, buying our first house, miscarriage, having kids, buying a ferrari (albeit an old one), experiencing the death of parents/grandparents, etc. After all we have gone through together, I can't imagine not being with her, and I would probably do it all over again if I could.

So why am I a proponet of waiting? I think it mostly has to do with the subject of sex. I like sex. Alot. And, I am glad to say, that I do have an active sex life with my wife. But, realize this, I have been having sex with the same woman for over 16 years now.

Maybe I am a horny bastard, and I'd like to hear from others who have been married a long time: how do you do it. As much as I love my wife, I really want to be shagging some 20-something hoochiemamma as well. Maybe if I had waited to get married, and played the field a little more I wouldn't feel this way? I don't know. Maybe this happens to everybody. Maybe this is why lots of guys take on Mistresses, or have extramarital affairs?

I wonder, if I had remained single with no kids, now that I have a good income, would I be one of the "playa's" on this site? Maybe a newer ferrari? Porn star?? Or, just be some loser who sits on Ferrichat on Saturday nights and surf's porn while masturbating...

Probably the later, with my luck. But, you have to wonder. And, that's why I suggest waiting. People tend to play-down the subject of sex, but it really is important. Marriage means that you will be with this person for a long time. Can you do it? Unfortunately, you won't know the answer until you do it.

 

Look, I'm not going to tell you how you should do it, but here's how I am doing it.

1. I am 25, she is 24. We both are been out of college for a while now (though I just got finished going back for my masters)

2. We got engaged last month, after dating 11 months. We live 4 doors down from each other, so we have spent plenty of time together. Basically every meal except lunch for the last 10 months as well as running errands, etc. We are always together. So to me we have an accelerated amount of time spent together compared with a lot of couples.

3. We are getting married in December, so 5 months. We are getting married on St. John, in the USVI with just her parents, my parents, her bro and sis. That's it. It's going to be about us and the ceremony and our devotion to each other, not about impressing people.

4. No. No way. In my experience from dealing with friends who have done it, it doesn't work out. Plus, being a strict Baptist, I don't believe in relations before marriage either.

Anyway, that's how I'm doing it, take it for what it's worth.