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Santa Letters

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by redhead, Dec 22, 2003.

  1. redhead

    redhead F1 Rookie
    Consultant

    Dec 26, 2001
    4,869
    Full Name:
    ~Red~
    Dear Santa,
    I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
    really really want a fire truck this year!
    Love,
    Kenny

    Dear Kenny,
    Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna
    torch
    your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do
    with.
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like for my mommy
    and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
    babysitter?
    He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you
    some nice Legos instead.
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
    your
    reindeer outside the backdoor.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
    want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice
    Cuban
    cigar.
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please. PLEASE.
    Jimmy

    Jimmy,
    That whiney-begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap don't
    work
    up here. You're getting another sweater.
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
    of
    my time squeezing cocktail waitress' asses, and losing all my cash at
    the
    craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Ivben a good boy all yeer.
    YeR FReND,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare
    specialist.
    How 'bout I send you a ****ing book so you can learn to read and write?
    I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
    Santa

    ___________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
    and
    joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon
    cards
    than me. Please see what you can do.
    Love,
    Michelle

    Dear Michelle,
    It blows my ****ing mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy
    hundreds
    of dollars worth of these stupid card, and none of you snot-nosed brats
    are
    even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your
    speed,
    like "Chutes and Ladders."
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
    kit,
    a pony and a tuba.
    Love,
    Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who the **** names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, Do you really know when we're awake,
    like in the song?
    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
    house.
    Santa

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love,
    Marky

    Mark,
    First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your ass
    whipped at school.
    Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex
    you're living in.
    Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through
    your
    bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams!
    Santa
     
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  3. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Like them....
     
  4. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    ROTFLMAO...!!!
     

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