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Snappy Answers...

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by 134282, Nov 24, 2003.

  1. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
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    Carbon McCoy
    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
    Snappy Answer #2

    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do These turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

    Snappy Answer #3

    The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

    Snappy Answer #4

    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

    and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
     
  2. jordan747_400

    jordan747_400 F1 Veteran
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    LMAO!! Those were GREAT!
     
  3. Mark(study)

    Mark(study) F1 Veteran
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    DESSSSsssss living the good life :) I always use to love it when I had some quality time to kick back and leaf through the old "Mad Magazine".
     
  4. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

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    LOL, Mark... Actually, i received these via email...
     
  5. Mark(study)

    Mark(study) F1 Veteran
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  6. BigDog

    BigDog Formula 3

    Nov 1, 2003
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    under the sea!
    HAHAHAHAHA :D


    these are too funny :)
     
  7. PeterS

    PeterS Three Time F1 World Champ
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    OK...Here's mine:

    Q: Did you catch that fish?
    A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.
    A: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
    A: No, it's a plastic model to get people like you to start fascinating conversations.


    Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
    A: No, today we're giving tickets out for doing things right.
    A: No, I just got tired of lugging around these heavy summonses so I decided to give some of them away.
    A: No, I'm giving a ticket to this crazy street because it's going the wrong way.


    Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
    A: A hundred and twelve -- we like to change seats every few minutes.
    A: One -- my wife will sit on my shoulders.
    A: I don't know -- I can't count that high, either.
     
  8. MARQ

    MARQ Formula 3

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    #8 MARQ, Nov 25, 2003
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  9. detailman

    detailman Formula Junior

    May 26, 2002
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    Peters,I love those. I think I will use the ones about the waiter sometime. That is awesome.
     
  10. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

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    Thanks, Marq; hey, have a great holiday...! :)
     
  11. MARQ

    MARQ Formula 3

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    You too, DES. Best wishes to you and your family for a wondrous holiday!
     
  12. pete04222

    pete04222 Formula Junior

    Nov 1, 2003
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    A couple gets pulled over because the man was swerving a little. The officer looks over the husband and wife and says to the man, "You been drinking?" The man looks over at his wife then looks at the officer and says "No, her fathers rich."
     
  13. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

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    Pete, i don't get it...
     
  14. JSinNOLA

    JSinNOLA F1 World Champ
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    A man gets pulled over and the cop says "Do you know what would happen if you hit a deer speeding at 90mph??"

    The man replied, "Wow, I didnt know that deer could run that fast!"
     
  15. JSinNOLA

    JSinNOLA F1 World Champ
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    Someone I know was sitting shotgun in a new Bently recently. The younger gentleman driving the Bently was kind of cocky and slyly asked my friend if he had ever ridden in a Bently before.

    The quick response was, "Yes, but never in the front."



    I thought that was pretty good.
     
  16. michaelthuber

    michaelthuber Karting

    Mar 4, 2003
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    Michael Huber
    My favorite thing to do is to take both my checkbook and my credit card to the grocery store and when it is time to pay I pull out both and ask the cashier "Would you like paper or plastic?" Not exactly a snappy answer, but I think it is in the spirit of the thread.

    At a fast-food drive through after ordering the voice on the speaker asks "Would you like those drinks in a bag?" I said "No. I'd like them in cups."
     
  17. Robin

    Robin F1 Rookie

    Nov 1, 2003
    2,893
    Arlington, VA
    The chick is ugly.. the guy thinks the cop is asking him if he's been drinking cuz he's going home with an ugly girl. So what he's saying is no, he's not with her because he's drunk, he's with her because she has rich parents.. :)

    Dang these things lose their charm when you have to explain them ;)

    -R
     
  18. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

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    LOL, these are all very funny, but Future, this one is just hilarious... i laughed for a few minutes after reading this... Awesome, awesome stuff... Thanks for sharing, everything; if you have any more, please share... These are great...
    i'm still laughing at this one... LOL...
     
  19. JSinNOLA

    JSinNOLA F1 World Champ
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    Dan

    I think it is an all time classic!
    Had fun talking with you here in Nawlins!

    John Suarez(FutureOwner)
     
  20. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

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    John, the pleasure was all mine... :)

    If you've got anymore, don't hesitate to share 'em...
     
  21. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
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    Carbon McCoy
    Robin, thanks for explaining it for me; sorry i killed it...
     
  22. DGS

    DGS Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Some F-car related ones:

    Q: Is that a "Magnum" car?
    A: No, just a carafe.

    Q: What the hell is that?
    A: No, the Diablo a Lamborghini is.

    Q: Is it real?
    A: The service bills are.

    But my favorite snappy come-back (from the ferrarilist):

    F-car at gas station. Passing trucker yells: "You must have a really small d*ck".
    F-car owner: "That's not what your girlfriend said."
     
  23. Horsefly

    Horsefly F1 Veteran
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    May 14, 2002
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    A blacksmith is hammering a horseshoe out of hot metal. He lays the horseshoe on the anvil to cool off. A tinhorn cowboy wanders into the blacksmith shop and reaches over and picks up the horseshoe to look at it, but IMMEDIATELY throws the horseshoe onto the ground. The blacksmith laughs and says to the cowboy, "That horseshoe's kinda hot ain't it?" The cowboy says, "No, not at all. It just doesn't take me very long to look at a horseshoe!"
     
  24. Nibblesworth

    Nibblesworth Formula 3
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    Funny stuff Arlie...
     
  25. Prugna 328

    Prugna 328 Formula 3

    Sep 10, 2003
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    Gregory
    Elevator stops, doors open-man outside elevator says "going up?" man inside says " no we are standing stll you must be going down.
     

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