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THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by UroTrash, Jun 3, 2004.

  1. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Speaking of sins, well, thinking of sins, has anyone here broken ALL of the Ten Commandments?

    Seems once you get past the killing one the rest should be a snap.

    BONUS POINTS: For breaking them all in ONE DAY.

    Except for the killing one I can't really recall the rest.






    Addendum: I looked them up and my Mom was wrong. There IS no commandment against masturbation. WOOOHAAAA!!
     
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  3. lesterm

    lesterm Formula Junior

    Nov 3, 2003
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    "A few centuries ago, it was believed that male sperm contained large numbers of tiny babies which only required a woman's womb to grow and be born. Under that belief system, masturbation could be considered an act of mass murder. We now know that pregnancy requires conception, and that a unique DNA is formed at that time. But society has never reached a consensus on the definition of when human personhood begins. Unfortunately, the Ten Commandments and the rest of the Bible give us no guidance on this matter. Thus, it does not help us decide about when, if ever, abortions are acceptable. If the Bible had defined when the start of personhood occurs, there might not be so much conflict over abortion today."

    I am pretty sure I have only violated 8/10 commandments. I am agnostic so I am hazy on the first one. Also, the definition of "murder" in the bible is defined as the murdering of another human being. I was trying to stretch it b/c I have technically "murdered" animals, but that stretch didn't work. I'll work on the 9th commandment tomorrow while at jury duty ;)

    On, on a random note... i have been involved in the jury selection process and was excused for the past 2 days. NYS requires a minimum of 5 days. Does anyone know a good way to get excused other than continuing to say that I cannot be fair and impartial and make up some spiel about why?
     
  4. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
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    "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me"

    Uh-oh

    "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me, and showing mercy unto thousands of them that love Me and keep My commandments"

    Uh-oh

    "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh His name in vain"

    Uh-oh

    "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it."

    Uh-oh

    "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

    Uh-oh

    "Thou shalt not kill."

    Can I exercise my Fifth Amendment rights?

    "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

    Uh-oh.

    "Thou shalt not steal."

    Uh-oh

    "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour."

    Uh-oh

    "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's."

    Trust me, I haven't coveted my neighbour's manservant or his ass.
     
  5. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Hey!....wait a minute....are you saying my Mom was.... right?!?!? ... Man, now look what i've done all afternoon....
     
  6. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
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    I'm constantly having to write excuses for people with "weak bladders, etc" to get out of jury duty. I never lie; it's really disruptive if some one has to excuse themselves every 10 to 15 minutes. So, can you hold yer water? Well, can ya?
     
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  8. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    OMG! You missed that one? My God, he's ALREADY gone blind!!

    DL
     
  9. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

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    But it was fun getting there. Now you get a smart doggy to play with. :)
     
  10. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    #8 maranelloman, Jun 3, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  11. Texas Forever

    Texas Forever Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Waxy, sounds like you need some new neighbors...
     
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  13. MarkPDX

    MarkPDX F1 World Champ
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    Tell me, do YOU covet your neighbors ass or his manservent???? I didn't realize :D
     
  14. DrStranglove

    DrStranglove FChat Assassin
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    You spank it at work?!?!?!?!?!

    (granted, so did I back when I had a job...)
     
  15. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    #12 maranelloman, Jun 3, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
  16. Robin

    Robin F1 Rookie

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    I wonder how GW would respond... as the Texas extermina.. I mean governor, and now as president, he's been somewhat responsible for the deaths of thousands. Not to mention the fact that he regularly works on Sabbath. Does anyone really take this crap seriously anymore though? Take the sabbath stuff for instance...

    Homeboy makes it pretty clear that he wants his peeps to chill on the sabbath in Exodus 20:8-10

    20:8
    Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

    20:9
    Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

    20:10
    But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

    Since he's now laid down the law, he needs to sets some rules on what happens when you don't do as he commands... he knocks this out in Exodus 31:14-15

    31:14
    Ye shall keep the sabbath therefore; for it is holy unto you: every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: for whosoever doeth any work therein, that soul shall be cut off from among his people.

    31:15
    Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.

    So now the big cheese has made his law and set the punishments, but just so you really know what's up, he needs to show everyone that he's not messing around...He handles this pretty decisively in Numbers 15:32-36

    15:32
    And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day.

    15:33
    And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation.

    15:34
    And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him.

    15:35
    And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp.

    15:36
    And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

    Now then... does this mean that everyone who does any sort of work on Sunday should be stoned to death? Crap.

    -R
     
  17. PSk

    PSk F1 World Champ

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    Did they have to gave the stones ... and is stoning somebody considered work?

    Idiots!, like you say pure crap.
    Pete
     
  18. C. Losito

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    Jesus performed miracles on the Sabbath. Look it up.
     
  19. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
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  20. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Who needs a doggie when I got Rosie? :D

    DL
     
  21. Robin

    Robin F1 Rookie

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    Yeah I've wondered this myself... if the guy is being stoned to death for picking up sticks, then surely picking up stones is reason enough to be sentenced to death. And if merely gathering sticks and stones is bad enough, I imagine that throwing them could be considered even more work. What a silly religion. Surely people can't be serious when they want this stuff posted in our courtrooms and classrooms to serve as an example of proper law?

    OFFICIAL:
    I'm warning you. If you say 'Jehovah' once more--
    [MRS. A. stones OFFICIAL]
    Right. Who threw that?
    [silence]
    Come on. Who threw that?

    CROWD:
    She did! It was her! He! He. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him.

    OFFICIAL:
    Was it you?

    MRS. A.:
    Yes.

    OFFICIAL:
    Right!

    MRS. A.:
    Well, you did say 'Jehovah'.

    CROWD:
    Ah! Ooooh!...
    [CROWD stones MRS. A.]

    OFFICIAL:
    Stop! Stop, will you?! Stop that! Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle!

    -R
     
  22. Dom

    Dom F1 Veteran
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    The crowed gathered round, ready to stone the prostitute.

    Jesus appeared, and stated: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

    Ashamed, the crowd began to slowly disperse, when all of a sudden, a little old lady picks up a stone and beams the prostitute right between the eyes.

    Jesus turns around to face her and states: "You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off "

    -Dom's friday joke of the day.
     

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