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The Ubiquitous Car Guy BS Effect

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by ryalex, Jan 30, 2004.

  1. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Aug 6, 2003
    22,314
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    Ryan Alexander
    We are experiencing what I will dub the Ubiquitous Car Guy Performance BS Effect:

    Type A: when you have a car with relative straight-line strength (ie. Viper, Camaro, Base Vette, muscle cars, MB's, some say Lambos), then you talk 1/4mi, 0-60 and top speed. Or Horsepower. Or even less performance-indicative, displacement. Symptoms include arcane references to 10-15 second time measurements.

    Type B: when you have a car with less HP/torque and better handling, (ie. Porsche, Ferrari V-8's, Evo's, Lotus, etc) then all the sudden the Great Judgement of Car Value is made by 'handling,' lighter weight, braking distance. This is easily distinguished by the line, "Oh yeah... well let's just see what happens when you throw in some twisties!" "Twisties" is the ultimate UCGPBSE code word for Type B's.

    The Law of the Car Guy Discussion Board Jungle is thus:

    If you can't convince them your car is good with Type A arguments, use Type B, and vice-versa.

    BUT, if you are unable to prevail with an incessant barrage of Type A or B, you must refer to the price of your car being such a good value. (Never reveal that the lower price of your car is because it raids the corporate parts bin from a substantially larger manufacturer and is in fact 40% Buick)

    It Could Be Worse...

    If this were the Oxygen Network Car Chat, the main deciding factor for car appeal would be bubbly design and the car's product placement in the VW/Audi line. Audiguy would become 'da MAN. Replace all 0-60's with the word "cute" and the references to 'twisties' with "fun." Please note that "fun" does not require any speed nor performance. Just bubbliness.

    Marks of The Non-Car Guy

    10. Can't differentiate the horses on a Mustang, Porsche or Ferrari
    9. "Nice BMW!" He says to your Mercedes.
    8. Drives Korean.
    7. "Do you know how many starving kids in Africa you can feed for $145,000!?"
    6. -interjecting into a discussion about performance cars- "I like those new hybrid cars... good for the environment."
    5. "I've heard those Saturns are real good."
    4. "Well, this one has really good fuel economy."
    3. "Yeah, but when are you *ever* going to go *that* fast?"
    2. Doesn't know how to drive stick. Doesn't care.

    And the number one sign someone is not a car guy...

    1. "Cars are just transportation."

    BTW, this is a good time to mention my idea to put all Ferrari Vs. Lambo threads into a dedicated forum. (I wasn't planning a whole editorial column, I just needed to vent :D )

    -Ryan
     
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  3. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Nice! Don't forget "Modified"
     
  4. thecarreaper

    thecarreaper F1 World Champ
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    LOL , great thread rylex! makes sense on many levels.
     
  5. Texas Forever

    Texas Forever Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Apr 28, 2003
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    Texas!
    Actually, I think that this is called cabin fever. You and Doody should get together and discuss loading times for web browsers or something equally as exciting.

    Oh, BTW, the forecast for tomorrow in the, if you believe the Boston sportswriters, ugliest city in America, is partly cloudy with a high of 64.

    Dr "Sunshire and Fast Roads" Tax
     
  6. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
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    Apr 3, 2001
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    Very nice! Pretty dead on, and could be elaborated a little bit more too. =)
     
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  8. GrigioGuy

    GrigioGuy Splenda Daddy
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    Nov 26, 2001
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    There's a type C also.

    When your car doesn't have the top end advantage nor the handling advantage, turn the discussion to the technology in the car and the 'power per litre' of the engine. Disparaging other cars as dinosaurs is appropriate at this point.
     
  9. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Ryan, that's the funniest thing i've ever seen you say... Awesome thread... i know people like type A & B and the last one... Very funny stuff...
     
  10. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Aug 6, 2003
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    I forgot to mention that I had a momentous revelation this past holiday while visiting Texas:

    1 The roads are straight and flat for LONG stretches. Turning is rare.
    +
    1 These people buy more American vehicles that anyone else.
    =
    2 OMG! THAT'S why American sports cars are made that way!! (see: Type A)

    But, I also noticed that the DFW population is fulfilling the North America sales targets for Mitsubishi Eclipses.
     
  11. Hubert

    Hubert F1 Rookie

    Jan 3, 2002
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    Perhaps a sub-set to type B: Those who feel "twisties" are actually worth a **** (for comparisons sake).
     
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  13. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
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    My car handles well... I must be poor. :(
     
  14. mjgermane

    mjgermane Formula Junior

    Jan 21, 2003
    507
    Ryan,

    Defending your WRX lately? :)

    How is law school going?


    MJG
     
  15. ferrari_kid

    ferrari_kid Formula Junior

    Jul 5, 2003
    768
    Ferrari vs Lambo threads in a seperate forum...now that'd be a flame war asking to happen. I'd sit back and just watch the fireworks :) I'm sure that'd be fun though. Bench racing left and right, maybe some actual laptimes here and there. Then there's the "well the next generation of x is going to be better."
     
  16. WILLIAM H

    WILLIAM H Three Time F1 World Champ

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    Way back around 93 AUTOMOBILE published my letter in answer to their article about gas gulping sportscars. I told the the Ferrari F40 was the ultimate environmentally friendly car bcus it had very little leather, the turbos kept the engine quiet so it didnot bother the wildlife as it drove by, it has no AC so it didnt give off C02 ( I was wrong on that 1 at least for the USA cars) & it doesnt get driven much so it doesnt use a lot of gas :)
     
  17. Mitch Alsup

    Mitch Alsup F1 Veteran

    Nov 4, 2003
    7,058
    1 You are driving on the wrong roads. The roads I drive on seldom have straights, and there are constant changes in elevation.
    +
    1 These people buy more American TRUCKS than anyone else.
    =
    2 your probably correct here.
     
  18. Forza1

    Forza1 Formula Junior

    Mar 20, 2004
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    I've always thought that a person who calls a manual transmission car, a "stick", was a non-car guy... :D



    -DC
     
  19. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Just reminiscing.
     
  20. Ferrari0324

    Ferrari0324 F1 Rookie

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    That's one of the greatest things i've ever heard.
     
  21. CMY

    CMY F1 Veteran

    Oct 15, 2004
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    There's another type:

    Vicarious Car Guy: Reads just enough to know the basic facts about any car, but has no first-hand experience with anything but his own. The distingushing characteristic between this type and an enthusiast is that he/she will spew forth inaccurate information to other non-car types just to make him/herself look good. Vicarious Car Guy knows all about racing, but would rather wax his own automobile on the weekends than use it on a racetrack. AKA my boss.

    -Chris
     
  22. Ike

    Ike F1 Rookie

    Nov 4, 2003
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    This is every girl I know when they are in my MB.
     
  23. jsa330

    jsa330 F1 Veteran
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    I think I've been asked "all you could get in those back then was a stick, right?" in reference to my '64 330.
     
  24. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
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    I've got a CUTE car thats a lot of FUN.

    Do I need to get a serum estrogen titer drawn?
     
  25. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

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    That right there is the reason I hate VW Jettas with a PASSION.
     
  26. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
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    they're cute. :)
     
  27. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

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    grrrr
     
  28. MikeZ_NJ

    MikeZ_NJ Formula 3

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    Mike Z.
    Just purchased ihatejettas.com. Website coming soon.
     

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