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Tony...Im getting an early start!

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by darth550, Jan 11, 2004.

  1. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,589
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and
    brings it into the car.

    She says, "Look, it's shivering... it must be cold. What should I do?"

    He says, "Put it between your legs."

    She says, "What about the smell?"

    He says, "Hold its nose."

    ____________________________________

    DL
     
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  3. jordan747_400

    jordan747_400 F1 Veteran
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    Dec 9, 2002
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    Houston, TX
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    Jordan Witherspoon
    oh man...thats pretty bad :)
     
  4. Sfumato

    Sfumato F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed

    Nov 1, 2003
    9,721
    Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey, Wales
    Full Name:
    Angus Podgorney
    ROFLMAO
    You're here all week! Try the veal!

    In honor of the cold spell:

    As a Minnesota trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers his window and she says "Hi, my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load" The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. Then the truck stops for another red light, the blonde catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up to the truck and knocks on the door. Again the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly "Hi my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath the blonde gets out of her can runs up to the truck, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers his window. again she says, "Hi my name is Jennifer and you are losing some of your load!"
    When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next . When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window and as she lowers it, He says... "Hi! My name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!
     
  5. Sfumato

    Sfumato F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed

    Nov 1, 2003
    9,721
    Llanfairpwllgwyngyll, Anglesey, Wales
    Full Name:
    Angus Podgorney
    A man wanted a big, ferocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs.

    The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.

    After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage.

    "He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer.

    "Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you."

    They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage.

    "Ah," said the buyer, "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier."

    "Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."

    The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached.

    "This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner.

    The buyer was flabbergasted.
    "You're joking!" he exclaimed.

    "This dog seems quite tame; he doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his butt!"

    "I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
     
  6. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    DL,
    heavy night?


    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
    probably never be able to support you.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do women have smaller feet than men?
    It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
    stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you know when a woman is about to say something
    smart?
    When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do men fart more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the
    required pressure.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
    yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    I married a Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's
    sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
    the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
    they are sexy.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
     
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