News

TUESDAY JOKE--------------

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by tonyh, Jan 6, 2004.

  1. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee
    and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The
    three men started talking and bragging about their sons.
    The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"
    The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a
    multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave one of his
    friends a new Mercedes, fully 'loaded.'

    The third man said, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so
    incredibly well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio."
    The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking
    careof business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"
    The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar." The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not
    totallythrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last
    threeboyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock
    portfolio."



    ---
     
  2. Texas Forever

    Texas Forever Three Time F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed

    Apr 28, 2003
    38,914
    Texas!
    Tony, your jokes are very good. Keep up the good work!

     
  3. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Dr,
    thanks for the kind words.Wish i could claim the credit ....!
    Tony
     
  4. beast

    beast F1 Veteran

    May 31, 2003
    8,965
    Lewisville, TX
    Full Name:
    Rob Guess
    OMG Too funny LMAO
     
  5. amenasce

    amenasce Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Oct 17, 2001
    26,215
    Paris / Chicago
    Full Name:
    Andrew Menasce
    Excellent !
     
  6. Chenrezi

    Chenrezi Karting

    Feb 10, 2003
    161
    Europe
    Full Name:
    Michael
    I would like to see the faces of those dads!!!
    AHAHAH!!
    Great joke man!
    Give us some more, it's great for realaxation :)

    Miguel
     
  7. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
    As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
     
  8. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    LMAO...! Tony, these are great...
     
  9. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,127
    With Stu
    Full Name:
    St Mark
    Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into
    the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the
    director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five
    years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever
    held."

    "Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you
    wanted somebody with imagination."

    _______________________________________

    DL
     
  10. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.
    She says "I do."
    She was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother type, well-spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
    She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well."
    The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few moments. Then, he slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?
    "She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, big-mouthed and has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
    The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered throughout the court room and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
    At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you crooked bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be thrown in jail for contempt. Is that clear?"
     
  11. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    ROTFLMAO...!!!
     
  12. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Question: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
    Answer: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find
     
  13. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,127
    With Stu
    Full Name:
    St Mark
    LOL!


    "Sidney thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, Sidney called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace'."

    "What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked.

    "The first envelope contained $5,000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably."

    "The second envelope contained $10,000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral.' I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending."

    "And the third envelope?" asked her friends.

    "The third envelope contained $25,000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone'."

    Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said, "So, do you like my stone?" showing off her new diamond ring.

    _____________________________________________

    DL
     
  14. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    DL,
    last 1 today. I'm using up all my good material!
    Tony
    -------------------------------------------------------------------

    Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar drinking and talking about current cattle prices.
    Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the cowboys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"
    The woman shakes her head, no.
    "Kin ya breathe?"
    The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.
    The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and runs his tongue all over her butt cheeks in a circular motion. The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the cowboy walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.
    His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver,' but I ain't never seen nobody do it."
     
  15. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,127
    With Stu
    Full Name:
    St Mark
    LOL! I have the same problem. I saved a couple for tomorrow!

    DL
     

Share This Page