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Who knew??

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by darth550, Jan 6, 2004.

  1. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 14, 2003
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    St Mark
    A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements
    of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted
    video of his wife's activities.

    A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down
    together to watch it. Although the quality was less than
    professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the
    two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at
    an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw
    the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter
    glee.

    "I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

    The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on
    the screen!"

    The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much
    fun!"

    __________________________________________

    DL
     
  2. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
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    Carbon McCoy
    LOL...!
     
  3. Chenrezi

    Chenrezi Karting

    Feb 10, 2003
    161
    Europe
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    Michael
    Makes you wonder what he saw in her in the first place doesn't?
    Great one!!
    Keep them coming...
    Miguel
     
  4. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
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    Tony H
    HE HE !
     
  5. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 14, 2003
    58,132
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    Hi Tony. :)

    DL
     
  6. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
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    Tony H
    Afternoon.
    one back at ya....
    Tony

    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said.
    "Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came back and they both tried to pull her up.
    "No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B." Cobba said
    "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"?
    "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba
    "Spot on" Bruce said. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits."
    "Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?"
    "No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive".
     
  7. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 14, 2003
    58,132
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    St Mark
    The husband got into his grubbiest clothes on Saturday morning and set
    about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned the
    garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when
    a woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled out her window, "Say, what
    do you get for yard work?"

    The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, "The lady who lives here
    lets me sleep with her."

    ___________________________________________

    DL
     
  8. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
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    Tony H
    Q: What do near sighted gynecologists and bunny rabbits have in common?
    A: Wet noses:)
     
  9. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
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    Tony H
    A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."
    "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?"
    "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
    "What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!
    How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.
    "I switched cocks," he replied.
    "What a coincidence," she said.
     
  10. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
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    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
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    Tony H
    A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, won't eat it if they know what it is – so does not tell them
    His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner?"
    "You'll see", says his dad. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating.
    "Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint: Its what your mother sometimes calls me."
    The girl suddenly screams at her little brother, "Spit it out! It's a ss hole !
     
  11. Schatten

    Schatten F1 World Champ
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Apr 3, 2001
    11,234
    Austin, TX
    Full Name:
    Randy
    eh... I wish I could laugh at the initial joke. I guess I've seen several PI reports with my name on it, in which I was targeted for a friend's divorce - or a reason for an at-fault divorce (not in TX mind you). eh... but humorous indeed.
     
  12. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 14, 2003
    58,132
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    St Mark
    A young single guy finds himself stranded on a deserted island.
    As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand.
    Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he
    realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford. Immediately, Cindy
    falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're
    making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on
    earth in the man's eyes. Alas, one day she notices he's looking
    kind of glum.

    "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful
    life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong?
    Is there anything I can do?"

    He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on
    my shirt and pants?" "Sure," she says, "if it'll help." He takes
    off his shirt and pants and she puts it on. "Okay, would you put
    on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.
    "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does so.

    Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the
    island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He
    sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the
    island a few minutes later.

    He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude!
    You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"

    _______________________________________________

    DL
     

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